BFF

     We live in a world of social media surrounded by what I call "ghost friends".  Perhaps they are better known as "cyber friends".  These are the friends that are there in the shadow of wedding anniversaries, showers, baptisms, graduations etc.  In all the happy times,  they are there to cheer us on, and send their approval ie. "like"... everytime anything positive happens in our lives. Yet, when those darker times come over us, the social media world becomes silent.  After all, who wants to hear about a divorce, a miscarriage, the loss of a job, financial difficulties, an illness, a death? These are the things that we must deal with in the quiet of our own hearts. 
     I am not making a judgement here because I know I have also been a "ghost friend" to some.  In the bustle of life it becomes very easy to lose track of other loved ones lives and troubles.   It is hard enough to make sense of our own lives sometimes.
     A few years ago a dear friend of mine that I had known for twenty years committed suicide.  I had seen or talked to her on multiple, brief occasions before her death, and I never realized how much torment she was going through. I am haunted by this now because I realize that I was, at that time, a  "ghost friend" to her.  I was there to cheer her on for her new job endeavors, her childrens' academic and sport successes, yet I never once realized the dark place that she was in.  This saddens me because despite the access that we have to social media and telecommunications, we live in a very disconnected world.
     I don't pretend to have all the answers.  I can only follow my heart and hope to hear the voice of God.  Because I know that if I do, I just might be there for someone who just needed a real life friend to hold their hand and listen.... <3 BFF
    
    
    
    

Field of Dreams

     Perhaps one of the most difficult cases of my medical career that I have ever encountered was that of a late teenage boy who I will call Jacob.  He presented to me one night when I was on call in the emergency room.  Jacob had been born with severe mental retardation and craniofacial deformities, and he never physically and or mentally progressed beyond the stage of toddlerhood.  The first time I stepped into the room to examine him, I had to hold back my tears.  What I saw in front of me was not a boy.  He looked almost alien to me.  His head was severely enlarged and deformed, and he probably weighed no more than fifty pounds.  He had undergone craniofacial surgeries as an infant.  I was shocked to find that he had no feeding tube.  His parents had fed him all these years.  Despite his appearance, his parents informed me that he had never really had a major hospitalization since his earlier years as an infant.
     This time, however, Jacob was critically ill.  He had presented with high fevers and respiratory distress, and he had pneumonia with septic shock.  All of his vital signs and laboratory data told me that he had little chances of survival.  His parents made the decision that they would not place him on a ventilator with a breathing tube, however they wanted other measures such as fluids and antibiotics administered to try to save his life.
     Initially I really struggled with his parents' decision.  What I saw in front of me was a dying boy who appeared to be suffering in a tiny body that seemed to be more of a prison.  I wondered what his parents' intentions were.  Could they not see what I saw?  What type of life were they trying to preserve?
     I took care of Jacob for several days in the hospital and really came to know his parents well.  They were incredible individuals.  I learned that Jacob had been adopted from birth.  His parents had also adopted several other children with various physical and mental problems throughout the years.  They had a strong Christian faith, and their mission in life had been to serve abandoned and orphaned children with various medical problems.  As my own daughter is also adopted, I felt an instant bond to this particular couple.  However, what astounded me is that these children that they adopted were not what I considered normal.  My daughter had a healthy and normal childhood development.  The children that this couple cared for all had major medical issues.  Many of them had already passed away during their early toddler years.
     I saw on a daily basis the deep love and bond that this couple had for Jacob.  I am quite sure that it is this bond of love that sustained this fragile boy for all these years.  There are no studies that I know that can prove this fact, but for Jacob to have had such a severe presentation and still be living was, in fact, a miracle.  Day after day I was astounded that despite his severe pneumonia, shock and kidney failure, he continued to breathe on his own and his little fragile heart continued to beat.
     I realized that his parents were struggling to let him go.  One of his parents was by his side day and night.  I believe that Jacob continued to hear them and feel their presence, and that is why he was still here on this earth.  Jacob did not want to leave his parents.
     This case continued to haunt me.  I questioned whether I had made the right decision.  Should I have encouraged them to give more aggressive care from the beginning?  They had made it clear that they did not want him on a ventilator or with intensive care measures, but his parents were not ready to accept pure comfort care.  I believe that they were still looking for a miracle.
     One night I began to pray about this case.  As I prayed, a vision came over me.  I saw a boy in a field of gold, and he was kicking a red soccer ball.  As he turned around I saw his face.  It was Jacob, however, his face had been transformed.  It was the face of a perfect angelic little boy.  He smiled at me, and then ran through the field of gold and disappeared.
     After I had this vision, I struggled whether I should tell Jacob's parents of it.  Deep inside I knew that I needed to inform them.  When I walked into the room that day, his parents and grandparents were by his side.  They had been praying over him.  They were still struggling with letting him go.  I told them of the vision, and that I felt it was time to let Jacob go.  His mother burst into tears but she knew at that instant that this was the sign that she was praying for.  His family said their goodbyes to Jacob.  Jacob was enrolled on hospice, and shortly after he passed away.
     I still think of Jacob.  When I see him now, I do not see him as that alien of a being.  I see a perfect little boy running with a red soccer ball through a field of gold.  I realize now that this is the way that his parents always saw him.  Their unconditional love never visualized a boy with deformities or disabilities.  They saw their son.

May he rest in Peace in his Field of Dreams

M. McMahon MD

The Healing Tears

They come upon us like the
waterfalls of the forest

Drenching us with an insurmountable Fear

We dread them because they bring upon us
discomfort and suffering

Yet within them there comes a flowing
of the Hearts River

It is the Spirit awakened
It is a time of Comfort

For within them are powerful Healing properties

They Bathe us with His Love

They Heal us of our Pain

They Cleanse us of all that is dead

They bring Life and Wisdom
and they open our eyes to the Truth

For there is God's Love in each drop

Each drop sprinkles us with His Eternal Blessings...

MM

Garden of Splendor

 

 

     The Lord will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame.   You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail
-Isaiah 58:11




I planted a Garden and watched it grow
I nurtured it with my Love, Tender Care and Devotion
One day I looked out to find beautiful flowers with every color of the rainbow
the stems were green and rich with Life because the Roots were firmly Planted
The Foundation was the Rock of Life

This is what God does for each one of us when we rely on Him
He nurtures us, He feeds us with His Manna and we grow each year
We are the Flowers in His Garden
all unique in Beauty
A Garden of Splendor

Soul Flower

     So I think I must be dreaming. I am in Tuscany, and I have come upon the most beautiful field of sunflowers.  This has always been on my bucket list...to stand in a field of sunflowers under the Tuscan sun. We have made our trip here to Italy, and it is almost September.  I ask at the hotel where I can find this field of sunflowers, but I am told that I am too late.  All the sunflower fields have apparently dried up by this time of the year.  But, some things are meant to be.  We rent a car to explore the Tuscan hill towns, and we decide to take a different route.  Maybe it is the road less traveled.  Along this roadside, I see them from a distance. It is this field of sunflowers in their most perfect form.  I have to get out of the car to believe that they are real.  I stand in the field.  Some of the sunflowers are as tall as I am.  They are bright yellow rays of sunshine.  If they had a face, they would be smiling.
     The Italians call the sunflowers girasoli.  The prefix gira is the ancient word for God, and sol means the sun.  These flowers all face the same direction.  They appear to be outstretched looking towards the sun, sky and the unseen face of God. Maybe this is why these flowers were created? I believe that the sunflower is my soul flower.  A reminder to me to be that ray of sunshine in others' lives.  To be the way that we were designed to be...full of His light.... always smiling and looking in His direction.    Amore

    

Butterfly Kisses-A Mother's Lullaby

     Cuando pienso en mi Dulce yo siempre pienso en mariposas. esas criaturas hermosas y tiernas. Deja que tu Corazon sea libre y en paz. Deja que tu espiritu se eleve como la mariposa.


As we start a new year back to school I contemplate on the past.  It is sometimes hard to comprehend how, in just a few short years, my daughter has blossomed from an baby into a little girl.  Part of my heart longs to hold and rock her in my arms again.  I know someday I will have to let her go.  To let her spread her wings and fly like the butterfly.  But for now, I want to savor each moment, the good and the bad, and to let her know that she will never be too old for me to hold her in my arms and sing her a lullaby....

Sleep Peacefully my Child, my Tender one
For your mommy and daddy love you
as does your Father in Heaven above

Have no fear
For when you awaken I will be here

To Comfort and Hold you
To love you with a Mother's Heart

Sleep Peacefully my Child, my Tender One
For I am with you in your Dreams

I am sending you Butterfly Kisses all through the night
So Drift off now Baby and Sleep Tight


M. McMahon MD

A Life Within

     My daughter was adopted from a foreign country. I had what I call a nine month picture pregnancy.  I met my daughter when she was first born, and then had to leave her as I waited for the adoption to finalize.  For nine months, the agency sent me pictures of her during each month of her development as an infant. There were moments in this process that I felt so barren and empty, yet all the while my daughter was growing in my heart.  For all mothers the miracle of life comes to us in different ways. I wrote these words as her seed blossomed in my heart....


A beating heart is just the beginning
Of the Miracle which has begun

A new Life created from an unconditional Love that never dies
It is the greatest gift in Life
It is the Seed of our Existence

Children bring us hope for a future
And fill us with a sense of purpose

For when each child enters the world
We get a small glimpse of Heaven

We stand in awe of the innocence and beauty before us
Our hearts melt at the sight of them

Tiny fingers, skin as smooth as satin
And eyes like angels
Which fill us with Peace and Happiness within...


M.McMahon, MD